The Blairs of the World Don’t Cry

I have never blamed God for every bouts of emotion that stirred within me. Even when it makes me uncomfortable, restless, agitated with rebellious butterflies wanted to be freed from the folds deep inside of me, I still won’t point an accusing finger to Him. I take it as a challenge that’s essential in my growth to be the strong and persevering person that He had envisioned me be. That’s the reason that I convinced myself to believe in; He wouldn’t want me to suffer if not for my own good.

Admittedly, I have questioned His judgment for giving me the gift of loving another being but at the same time tortured by it. Yes, I questioned it then; why would something that should be knowingly fantastic be the cause of my suffering at the same time. Despite the hardship I went through throughout the bouts of pain and suffering, whatever hidden reason He had planned for me, I learnt about the reality of loving and be loved. For that I am glad.

Every time I start to question the reasons He had put me in a situation so bad that it could not be fixed (not only emotionally but in every other aspects), I repeat my personal calming mantra:

“God knows best and He has greater things planned for you.”

He had made me strong that I no longer cry easily. I would fight even before thinking about the idea of crying over every little mishap. No use in dwelling over split milk. No use in investing time and effort towards the thing that’ll break me into pieces. No use in chasing someone who obviously have hurt (and would probably do it again given the chance) my feelings. I am not a crier because I laugh my sorrows away.

Today’s different. Different because I no longer can laugh. Different because I’m crying. Different because I’m starting to question Him and my mantra is not working its calming magic.

Something struck me deep. The dam had burst and now the water won’t stop flowing. I’m tired and I’ll probably cry myself to sleep.

God, please, make it stop.

The 7 Tag

Since I’ve been double tagged by Acap and Eda, I’ve decided to give it a go (actually, I’m bored to death in the office).

7 facts about me
1. I have a short attention span. I usually find myself lost after 10 minutes into any meeting as I try to keep track of who said what. I really need an audio recorder. Anyone care to get one for me?
2. I can be quite vain now and then :p
3. I support Mother Nature. I reuse, reduce and recycle.
4. 80% of my monthly pay goes to good food and books. I don’t mind spending a lot on these items; just make sure that they’ll satisfy me.
5. According to a professional oppinion, I’m weak. Proof? I can’t even endure a 2.5 kg bicep curl by the 4th repitition of the second set :p
6. I buy women’s magazine to look at the fashion not because I’m fashionably fabulous but because I consider myself fashionably inept.
7. I can’t decide who I like better; Edward Cullen or Jacob Black :p

7 things that I’m afraid of most
1. Dying because of a sudden horrible death.
2. Robbed of the chance to do what I was meant and wanted to do.
3. Not being able to see the ones that I love happy.
4. Lizards *shudders*
5. Being a liability at the workplace.
6. Driving.
7. Being stuck in awkward situations where I tend to feel socially retarded.

7 songs in my playlist
1. Peach – Ai Otsuka
2. Circus – Britney Spears
3. Leavin’ – Jesse McCartney
4. Gabriel – Lamb
5. Girlfriend – Marie Digby
6. Michael Buble – Fever
7. That’s Not My Name – The Ting Tings

7 phrases/ words that usually comes out of my mouth
1. Okayy
2. Gila ke ape?!
3. Impressive…
4. Alaaa
5. Bengong :p
6. Yep!
7. Cute!

7 things that are precious to me
1. My family who are my rock
2. Closest friends who I confide to
3. The Canon compact camera that DivaMom gave when I first received my first and only 4.0 GPA
4. The Tiffany & Co. necklace DivaMom bought for me because of no apparent reason :p
5. My collection of books and mangas. I’ll let you borrow it but do promise to return it back, okay
6. My dirty little secrets >:)
7. My sanity and independence

7 firsts in my life
1. The first and only time DivaMom allowed us to have a pet was a rabbit named Oshin.
2. The first time I boarded an aeroplane and went to a trip without parental supervision was my first visit to Kota Bharu, Kelantan.
3. I would have never thoutght my first job after graduating would be with an Investment Bank. Not really a place for me but I’m coping.
4. The first big lie I ever told was back in school in Form 4 and only Fadil, Syafira and Natrah know about it.
5. The first time I went to a flea market/ bazaar, I spent over RM 100 on knick knacks that are collecting dust in my room :p
6. The first time I baked cookies, it turned out crumbly but Naz-chan said they were yummy
7. The first time I wore eye-liner, I had forgotten I had it on and rubbed my eye. I ended up looking like a panda :p